


Lucy Ann & the Lunch Bunch

by StarlightSystem



Series: Transcendence AU [22]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Bigotry & Prejudice, Gen, Sometimes Angsty, Sometimes Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-08-19 08:29:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightSystem/pseuds/StarlightSystem
Summary: The year is 3512, and pro-nat ideologies are gaining a political foothold in the United States. It's not a safe time for preters, so Lucy Ann decides to lay low... by pretending to be a first grader.She was planning on just waiting for this to all blow over, but, well... some old habits die hard. Don Pines would be proud, if a bit exasperated. That dummy Alcor would be proud too but he really needs to chill so she's going to keep him happily out of the loop.





	1. Vampiric Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the [Transcendence AU](http://transcendence-au.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> [The New Teacher](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19760887) is a sort of prologue/interquel to this, but it's not required reading.
> 
> Thanks to [ToothPasteCanyon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannyFenton123/pseuds/ToothPasteCanyon) for beta reading and being awesome!

It was a hot day in the town of Lancaster. The streets were empty, with most people staying indoors to escape the scorching heat. It seemed no one, not even the sun, had gotten the message that summer had ended -- either that, or they were hoping to keep up the illusion as long as they could.

This image of a peaceful afternoon was belied by the backfiring of an engine. An old bus -- positively a relic -- cut through the streets like a rusty knife. The way it creaked and groaned seemed as if it hadn’t been serviced since the Transcendence. The windows rattled with every bump in the road, and the cloth lining of the seats had almost been stripped bare. It had no air conditioning other than a pair of fans, which provided no respite from the heat that collected so easily in a moving metal box.

Despite this, the bus was bustling with activity. It was packed to the brim with elementary school students hot off their first day of the school year, kids who were mostly ignorant of the heat and were content to chortle, to arm wrestle, to throw balls across the aisle. The bus driver couldn’t blame them for being rowdy, as she too wished that the summer was not over. She would have been more concerned if she’d noticed the kids who’d leap mischievously into the aisle whenever she took a turn, but they always managed to return to their seats right before her eyes flickered back to the rear view mirror.

In the third row, a girl sat quietly by the window and watched the houses go by.

It had been a long time since she’d done something like this, but the first day had gone off without a hitch. She pulled her usual spiel, with the sad orphan eyes and the forged government documents declaring that she was indeed a real person who was definitely 6 years old thank you very much. It was funny how few questions people seemed to ask these days despite how suspicious she should have seemed, and it reminded her of the countless other times she’d been in a similar (though usually less dire) situation.

A tennis ball hit her in the back of the head, breaking her out of her thoughts. Instinctively she jumped up, her tiny frame barely giving her the leverage to peer over the back of her seat. A growl tried to escape her lips, but she realized just in time why that would be a very bad idea, so instead she channeled that growl into a scowl.

The thrower of the ball, a boy sitting three rows behind her, flinched under her stare. “Sorry Lucy! It was an accident!”

_You were an accident!_ she thought, and had to stifle a snicker. Definitely not the time and place for humor like that. She rolled her eyes at the boy, and slid back down into her seat. Somehow, she’d never gotten used to how annoying kids “her age” could be.

Well, not all of them. She looked at her neighbor, who was staring quietly at the seat in front of her. Lucy Ann hadn’t expected to meet anyone interesting during this project of hers, but then she came across Lane, a first grader sitting quietly at lunch while the rest of the kids ran around screaming at each other. They ended up having a very interesting conversation and now, well, here she was following her home.

The bus turned a corner onto a short road ending in a cul-de-sac. Lane shifted as the bus passed by the first of three houses, grabbing her backpack and pulling it onto her lap. She turned to Lucy Ann and gave her a small nod. They were almost there.

Lucy Ann looked back out the window and saw a man standing in the driveway of the house in the center of the cul-de-sac. A grin spread across her face, and she wondered how long it’d been. He looked different alright, and there probably wasn’t another person alive right now who’d be able to tell who he really was, but she’d known him too long to fall for a disguise like this.

Plus, the demon mark on Lane’s forehead totally gave it away.

The bus screeched to a halt in front of the house in question, miraculously not crumbling into dust from a combination of age and sheer heat. The two of them got off, with Lane in the front. Lucy Ann stood a few inches shorter and a few pounds lighter than her, and managed to hide perfectly behind the stoic girl’s frame. There was no real reason for her to do this, not even the small respite of Lane’s shadow from the glare of the sun, as it had been a long, long time since that had bothered her. The man in the driveway would notice her soon enough anyway, but if there was one thing she had learned from him over the years, it was how to make an entrance.

The bus door shut behind them, and the vehicle squealed off. Lane walked up to the man, with her friend following carefully in her shadow. He beamed at Lane, with that look in his eye indicating his usual irritating mixture of love and possessiveness. When she reached him, he knelt down and hugged her.

"Lane!" he gushed. "How was school, sweetie? Did you have a good time?"

She nodded.

"Did you make any friends?"

She nodded again, and the edges of her mouth flickered up into a smile. Lucy Ann smiled too -- though it was more of a smirk than Lane’s soft grin -- and tapped the other girl on the shoulder. It was time. The man clapped his hands in joy, and reached in for another hug, but Lane stepped aside before it could connect, revealing the friend she'd made. His expression shifted to one of confusion, then recognition, surprise, and finally what could only be described as “_oh shit.”_

"Look at who I met today," Lucy Ann said, her grin growing even wider at the dumbfounded look on her old friend. "I was at lunch, minding my own business, when I came across a six year old with the mark of a demon on her forehead. And not just any demon, but the one and only Dreambender himself!"

Alcor blanched. "Hi Lucy Ann."

She ignored him. "I thought, that's weird. Alcor's been ignoring my messages for two decades now. Maybe he's posing as human and found a family to infiltrate, _again_. Maybe I've just met his 'sister'. Imagine my surprise when I follow her home from school and find out that she's actually his _daughter_."

"Well, she's not technically…"

"Busted, Alcor! You! Are! Busted!" she cackled.

"Shh!" he hissed, and glanced both ways to see if there was anyone nearby. "You're going to blow my cover! It's Tyrone!"

"Oh, excuuuuuse me, Tyrone, your majesty." Lucy Ann curtsied mockingly.

Alcor groaned. "What do you want?"

"I want to know why you've been ignoring me. The government's been cracking down on preters lately. I've had to lie low. You're the only person I can trust, which is the saddest thing I've ever had to say."

He put his hands on his hips, and Lucy Ann noticed that even in the scorching heat, he was wearing gloves. Of course, the heat was no problem for a being of pure energy, but for a human it would be at least a little suspicious. “I'll have you know that I'm extremely trustworthy -- when have I ever betrayed you or lead you astray?”

“Says the literal demon. Says a member of a species literally known for lying and cheating.”

Alcor scowled. “That's a vicious stereotype! You know better than anyone else that I'm a paragon of virtue, an angel among demons, a friend to humanity exalting knowledge and power to those in need.”

Lucy Ann curled her lips into her mouth and bit down on them to stop herself from laughing in her friend’s face. It was sometimes difficult to tell when Alcor was kidding around and when he seriously had his head this far up his ass. Her amusement clearly showed on her face, as Alcor’s eyes narrowed and he opened his mouth to speak again. Before he could, though, he paused and looked down to see Lane tugging at his sleeve.

"Oh, Lane, I'm sorry!" He crouched down, and pointed at their guest. "This is my friend Lucy Ann."

Lane stared blankly at him.

"Lane, say hi to Lucy Ann! Do you remember her?"

Alcor squinted at the girl. She just looked back at him with the same empty look on her face. Nothing happened for a minute.

"Al- Tyrone, why-" Lucy Ann started.

"Aw, she says she doesn't," he interrupted, standing back up. "That's a pity. Lane, how about you go to the kitchen? We'll be there in a minute."

Lane nodded, and quietly shuffled through the doorway on the right. Alcor watched her go with a fond smile, and then turned back to his guest.

"How's it-" he started, but now it was his turn to be cut off.

"What's going on, Tyrone?" Lucy Ann asked, hands on her hips in a way that might've been intimidating if she didn't have the appearance of a six year old. "I've never met that girl before today, why would she remember me? Are you losing your mind again already?"

His smile faltered. "Sometimes a soul remembers people even after reincarnation. I was hoping she would, but…" He trailed off when he noticed the look on Lucy Ann's face.

"Oh, really?" she asked. "Why would she remember me? Who was she, Tyrone?"

The demon looked confused. "That's Mizar…"

"Fucking shit, Tyrone!" Lucy Ann shouted. "The moment you invite me in, I'm gonna wring your neck so hard that you're gonna wish you had breath for me to squeeze out of it!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he hissed.

"I thought you were raising some random kid you'd saved from a human sacrifice. I'd be a little less pissed about that. But no, you're just grooming another Mizar!"

"That's not true!" he yelped. "I did save her from a sacrifice! Well, sort of…"

"Tyrone, let me in now or I'll go ballistic."

"Eh, I can take anything you've got." He jumped slightly into the air and floated there. "I've missed a good fight."

Lucy Ann ground her teeth. "Oh yeah? The domestic life’s not working out for you? No time to decimate cults when you've got a little girl’s mind to fill with your memories?”

He stuck a forked tongue out at her. “Oh, you're one to talk. How again do you sustain yourself? What do you do to stay alive? Remind me, my memory is failing me right now.”

Lucy Ann laughed. “Wow, I really was wrong! You are human after all! How could I have missed all the signs? You kidnapped a child, you can fly, you're a dumbass…”

Alcor scowled and shot forward so his face was inches away from hers. “Watch your mouth, I've killed for less than that.”

She stopped laughing for a moment, and then started again even louder. “Good job putting me in my place, you must be an excellent parent! Speaking of which, your daughter is probably missing her father right now, sitting all alone in the kitchen."

"She knows I'm not her father -- I'm Uncle Tyrone to her."

"That's definitely the most important part of what I just said."

"Fine!" he groaned, dropping back to the ground. "Come on in. I'm going to make a snack for Lane; do you want anything?"

"I'll take a Bloody Mary."

Alcor glared at her.

She smiled sweetly in return. "Oh, and don't skimp on the blood."

She followed him into the kitchen. The inside of the house was pretty modern, save for some retro fittings that Alcor no doubt imported in order to feel more at home, like electric lamps and a dishwasher. There was a table in the middle of the kitchen that had five chairs around it -- odd, considering that only two people seemed to live here. One of the chairs had been kicked out from the table, under which Lane was very obviously hiding.

"Hmm, I wonder where Lane has gone?" Alcor warbled. Lucy Ann rolled her eyes. It really was hard to believe sometimes that her friend was one of the most feared beings in existence. All she saw when she looked at him was a big dork who’d danced around at the Pines Family Holiday Party back in 2052 with a lampshade on his head, high out of his mind.

Alcor tiptoed slowly around the table, putting his hand to his forehead as if he was attempting to look far into the distance. When he made it halfway around, Lane jumped out at him, sporting a wide grin for the first time all day. Alcor jumped back, pretending to be startled.

"Oh, Lane! You got me!"

He picked her up and spun her around, laughing as if _he_ was the six year old. Lane stayed silent, but continued to smile. Lucy Ann just watched with an amused grin on her face.

“I bet you’re hungry after a long day of school, right?” He put Lane down on the kicked-out chair, pushed it up to the table, and bent down to look at her. “What kind of snack would you like?”

He stared at her in silence for a moment, and then frowned. “Really? Broccoli is gross.”

Lucy Ann spluttered. "You don't like broccoli? What are you, twelve?"

Alcor looked up and gave her a sweet smile. "Yes, and that makes me twice as old as you, Lulu."

"I thought I told you that you'd be dead if you called me Lulu again. Or did you forget that the last time you lost your mind?"

"No, I remember," he said, smile widening until it almost split his face, and showing off a set of teeth far too sharp to belong in a human mouth. "I also seem to remember that I've been dead for fifteen hundred years."

Lane's smile had vanished, and she was staring at her uncle. Lucy Ann waved to grab Lane's attention, and started speaking to her in sign language.

“I’ll get you some broccoli.”

Lane's face lit up again. She quickly signed back “Thank you!”

"What are you doing?" Alcor asked, smile faltering. "What are you saying to her?"

“I don’t know,” Lucy Ann replied innocently. She wandered over to the fridge and opened it. “Maybe you should learn sign language.”

Alcor huffed. "Why bother? We can talk just fine with our thoughts."

"Oh, well, that sure is nice for you, but she's still deaf, dipshit.” She found the vegetable drawer, and pulled out a head of broccoli. “How is she going to talk to anyone else? You think that the amount of sign language a six year old knows will be enough to talk to anyone for the rest of her life?"

He shrank a little, and sat on the table, resting his feet on the chair next to Lane. "She's learning it at school…"

Lucy Ann reached as high as she could onto the counter and pulled down a cutting board. She put it and the broccoli on a chair, and started looking for a knife. "She's gonna fall way behind if she's only using it at school and not at home. Most deaf kids don’t have a demon at home invading their thoughts." She found the knife, and started chopping up the broccoli.

Alcor screwed up his nose in a way that was probably meant to look frustrated but rather just made him look like a kitten that needed to sneeze. "What's it matter to you? Why do _you_ know sign language anyway?"

She put down the knife, and turned to face him. "I know sign language because I get bored if I don't do anything with my time, jerk. Some of us don't have the luxury of a built-in full time job like you, oh great and powerful Dreambender."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew some of the things I've had to do to people who summon me."

Lane looked up at him with a worried look in her eyes, but he didn’t seem to notice. Lucy Ann frowned, and turned around again to look for a bowl to put the broccoli in.

"Well, maybe I'm not struggling to fight back demonic impulses or whatever, but I've been alive much longer than you and I still get bored as shit to the point of losing my mind. You've gotta do things with your time to stay sane! Sometimes I sneak into the public school system and leech off a free education, just for fun."

She finally saw the bowls -- stacked on a high-up shelf that she had no chance of reaching. She turned back to Alcor and nodded her head in their direction. He didn’t seem to notice that either.

"How does that even work? Don't they notice eventually that you're not getting any older?"

Lane was staring at her now, and Lucy Ann grimaced, because even if she could hear them, the poor girl would have no idea what was going on. “I’m almost done,” she signed. Lane nodded, but didn’t look any less concerned.

She pointed at the bowls but Alcor continued to ignore her, so she decided to give up and just carried the cutting board over to the table and set it in front of Lane. Lane gave her a smile, and signed “Thank you!” again. She then cringed, and her smile fell away. Lucy Ann was about to ask what was wrong, but Lane then started eating some broccoli and she decided to let it go for now and return to the sulking demon in the room.

"Obviously, but I tell them I've been cursed to always look the same age. The thought that I'm a vampire never even crosses their mind." That last part was technically a lie, but it had never been a problem before. Not until now. “Speaking of which, weren’t you going to fix me a drink?”

He grumbled and got up from the table. "It's not like I don't do anything. I did go to college once, and I was even a professor of demonology once." He stepped past Lucy Ann and started throwing together the contents of some concerningly unlabeled bottles into a wine glass.

"Oh good job, buddy. I'm guessing that you don't even remember that I’m the one who got you to do that, but whatever. It's not like you'll remember this anyway." She gestured at the house around them.

He scowled, and handed her the finished drink. "Of course I will! I'm in my right mind, I'm around Mizar!" He punctuated this by scooting back to his seated position on the table next to Lane.

Lucy Ann set the drink down on the chair without taking a sip. "Goddammit, Alcor. You think that being around Mizar is keeping you grounded and human, but it's not. You're obsessed with her, because you're a demon and that's what demons do, they fucking obsess."

Alcor gasped, and next to him, Lane cringed again. "N-no! I'm not obsessed! I'm not like the other demons!"

"Yes you are! You don't do anything but follow this one soul around! Maybe you're a little different from the others since you haven't _eaten_ it yet, but don't think I've forgotten the fact that you literally _own _her soul!"

"E̺ͧͧ̕͝ͅN͔͈͉͓̮̙̄ͧ̒ͯ̍̓͛ͦO̡ͫ͋͠͏̗͖̗U͈̼̦̺͕̤̠̭ͬ͛̌͟G̥͉ͥ̾̅̄͌ͤͫͫ͠H̟͔ͩͥ͊̃̅ͥ̃͢!̷͛̔͏̜̞̰̤̻͖" he screeched, and then clapped his hands to his mouth in surprise. Lucy Ann stared at him with a barely-concealed smirk on her face.

"I-I mean, no," he whimpered. "Being around her reminds me of Mabel, and when I had a family, and how I'd do human things around them like... uh… live in a house, and-”

He cut off, and finally looked at Lane. Her eyes were shimmering, threatening to break her blank expression, and she had her arms raised over her head. Alcor quickly scooped her into his arms and held her close. She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry sweetie,” he murmured, loudly enough for Lucy Ann to hear. “Uncle Tyrone didn’t mean to yell. Does your head hurt?”

Lane bit her lip and buried her face in Alcor’s shoulder.

“Alright.” He turned to Lucy Ann. “I’m going to put her in bed. I’ll be right back.”

Lucy Ann nodded, and watched the demon leave the room with Lane. She sighed, and then picked up her drink. Arguing sure made her thirsty. She downed the whole drink at once, and stared off into space.

This wasn’t how she’d expected their reunion to go. Alcor was being a creep and a jackass but she really did care about him, and she knew he felt the same way about her. Arguing with him wasn’t really solving anything, and it just resulted in upsetting Lane. No, what she needed to do was to unwind the conversation back to why she had followed Lane home in the first place.

After about 20 minutes, Alcor finally returned to the kitchen with a tired look on his face. Lucy Ann returned the favor.

He sighed. “Look, Lucy Ann, I don’t kno-”

“I want to make a deal.”

Alcor paused mid-word. She watched the cogs in his head turn and the expression on his face flicker, clearly trying to pretend that those words hadn’t sent an excited shiver up his spine. “Oh... yeah? I- I don’t know about that, it’s not really my thing,” (he almost choked getting those words out, and Lucy Ann had to stifle a giggle), “but you know, I might as well hear you out.”

Lucy Ann hopped up onto a chair, so she was a bit closer to Alcor’s eye level. “Here’s the deal, bud. You need to give Lane some space. I think it’s been a long time since you’ve played human and you’ve gotten rusty on what healthy boundaries are.”

He spluttered, but she ignored him and carried on. “You need to chill, like a lot. I know I can’t make you stop obsessing over her, but you’re going to have to find some things to do that aren’t just about Lane. When she’s at school, I want you to go do something with yourself, pretend to be a human, get a job and actually blend in.”

Alcor frowned. “That’s asking a lot. Why would I do any of that?”

“You didn’t let me finish!” Lucy Ann placed her palms on the tabletop and leaned forward. “You do all that and I’ll look after Lane, I’ll make sure she’s safe and happy at school. No demonic intervention! I’ll also move in with you so that you’ve got, you know, someone to talk to who isn’t a six year old.”

Alcor stared at her for a moment. A look of sadness flitted across his face, deep in combat with the hunger for a successful deal. He chewed on his lip, and Lucy Ann had to smirk at how silly her old friend was. This was barely a deal -- the material gains benefited her much more than it did him and it was astounding that he hadn’t realized it yet. Really, she was really doing him a favor though, and if she had to play to his weaknesses in order to do it, well then, what else was a conniving preter-pal for?

“Alright,” he said finally. “I can… I can do that. Yeah. It won’t be hard, I’ve tackled much... much harder things than that.” He extended a hand bathed in blue flame, and Lucy Ann rolled her eyes. She stepped up onto the table, grabbed his hand, and gave it a good shake. She felt a familiar tingle as demon fire traveled up her arm, and then dissipated in a flash.

Alcor smiled, a nostalgic look on his face. “Yeah. I can do this. I’ve pretended to have a job before. It’ll be fun. I like messing with humans. You got the worse end of the deal, you’re going to have to find a way to protect Lane while she’s at school.”

Lucy Ann smirked again. “Yeah, you’re right. I hope I can find the time to shield her between math class and nap time.”

His eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute. How again did you say you met Lane?"

Lucy Ann's eyes twinkled. "Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm enrolled as a first grader at Lancaster Elementary School. The government won't find me there!” She cackled at the look on his face, then jumped off the table and skipped toward the stairs. “See ya after school, jerkwad!"


	2. First Grade Is (Not So) Boring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, it’s time for school, and -- oh stars, this is an absolute nightmare, I’m, I don’t know -”
> 
> Lucy Ann frowned at Alcor. “Dude. You need to calm down. We talked about this. We’re going to elementary school, not Florida. I’ve got this.”

“Okay, it’s time for school, and -- oh stars, this is an absolute nightmare, I’m, I don’t know -”

Lucy Ann frowned at Alcor. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Of course it will! I trust you completely!” He giggled nervously, but the twitch in his face did not dissipate. “But if anything does happen, I got a phone so you can call me -- I know they’re called communicators now, so don’t call them phones in public, it’ll totally blow your cover and they’ll take you away forever -”

“Tyrone.”

“Actually, screw the phone number, you know my circle, and Lane has it stitched into her coat, but I really don’t want her cutting herself to activate it, so you should stay with her at all times and be ready to offer some yourself, I’m sure I’ve got a lancet around here somewhere -”

“Tyrone.”

“Wait, what am I saying, you’re a vampire, that won’t work -- maybe I have some spare candles I can throw in your bag for emergencies, stars above _how_ do I not have spare candles littered around the house -”

“TYRONE!”

Alcor froze, and looked down at Lucy Ann, who had a big scowl on her face. “Y-yes?”

“Dude. You need to calm down. We talked about this.” She climbed onto a chair to get a bit closer to his eye level. “We’re going to elementary school, not Florida. I’ve got this.”

“Yeah, but just in case -”

“Nope. I’ve got this. You promised you wouldn’t intervene -- we had a deal.”

He tensed up for a moment, and then let out a long, fake exhale. “Okay. You’re right. Please, just be careful, alright?”

Lucy Ann sighed, but her expression softened. “I can do that. I’m not actually a six year old, remember?” She jumped off the chair, and stood next to Lane, who had remained silent through the entire conversation. “She’ll be perfectly safe with me around, and no one will suspect a thing.”

Alcor smiled. “I know. I trust you -- you’re a good friend.”

“Whoa, a bit sappy in the morning, are ya?” She elbowed Lane playfully, and then winced when she remembered that Lane couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Lane, for her part, didn’t react to being elbowed. She did notice Lucy Ann staring at her, and signed “We go?”

“Almost,” Lucy Ann responded.

She turned back to Alcor. “She’s ready to go.”

“Okay.” He picked up two backpacks and handed one of them to her. “I packed you both lunches -- I know that wasn’t part of the deal but I wanted to make sure you had something you could eat.”

Lucy Ann rolled her eyes, but then smiled and slipped on the backpack. “Thanks.”

He smiled, and gave the other backpack to Lane. “I want a full report of the day when you get home, alright?”

“Yeah, you too buddy. Don’t forget your end of the deal. You better have some good ‘being a human’ stories for me, or you won’t be hearing a word about how boring first grade is.”

His expression faltered, and Lucy Ann watched his mouth flap open and shut several times. He finally tilted his head and put on a saccharine smile. “Of course! We had a deal, and I definitely haven’t found any loopholes in it. Nope!” He clapped his hands together giddily. “Now, I’ve put a few notebooks in your backpack, just to make sure you have enough space to record your thoughts about the day -”

“Bye Tyrone!” Lucy Ann interrupted. She grabbed Lane’s hand and pulled her toward the door.

“Okay, be safe you two!” He called as they left. “I’m- yes, I’m okay Lane, don’t you worry about me! Uncle Tyrone is going to be fine, just try and have a good day for me, okay?”

Lucy Ann glanced at Lane. She was staring blankly at Alcor, who was most likely talking to her telepathically again. Lucy Ann wasn’t sure why Alcor always spoke out loud when he communicated with Lane like this -- perhaps it was for her sake, but it didn’t really help all that much when she couldn’t hear Lane’s side of the conversation.

They exited the house, and walked to the end of the driveway. Lucy Ann looked back at the house to see Alcor pressed up against the front door, watching them leave. She snickered at how ridiculous he looked -- a grown man clinging to a screen door as if he was trapped in it.

Definitely funnier than a 6000 year old vampire going to elementary school.

They clambered on the bus together and sat in the same seat as before. Lucy Ann stared out the window and tried to watch the houses go by, but it wasn’t relaxing her like it had the day before. Alcor’s hysteria had set her a little on edge -- what if this wouldn’t actually be as easy as she thought? She was, after all, hiding from the government. If she couldn’t even be sure of her own safety, how could she be sure of Lane’s?

She turned to Lane and signed, “Who is your teacher?”

“Parsnip,” she replied, spelling out the name instead of using a sign.

“I didn’t see you in class yesterday.”

“I was at the ASL class all day. Today it’s only one hour.”

Lucy Ann frowned. That was a bit of a problem -- being in different classes would make it harder for her to look after Lane. She’d have to see if she could attend the ASL class.

* * *

“Alright, class, how about this one? Can anyone tell me what four plus seven is?” Hands went up. “Yes, Jimmy!” Hands went down.

Excitement turned to caution. “It’s, uhhhh, it’s eleven!”

Mrs. Parsnip smiled with a level of honesty that Lucy Ann could barely fathom. “Very good!”

First grade was boring. First grade was really boring. Lucy Ann knew this would be the case -- she’d been a first grader many times before. It never really sank in, though, just how tedious and draining it would be to sit in a classroom all day being talked down to like she was a child.

But then again, that was the entire point. Someone looking like her but acting like an adult would immediately arouse suspicion. No, it was better for her to blend in, tone down, and tune out. She could wait this pro-nat regime out and come up smiling on the other side of it -- after all, time was something she had an awful lot of.

Still, her grip on her pencil tightened in irritation every time she was asked to sound out a three letter word. Every time she was asked to add two one-digit numbers. Every time she was asked to identify different shapes. She couldn’t help but be jealous of Lane, who was getting to learn a language while she was stuck trying not to scream every time someone misspelled their own name. She felt it wearing away at her patience, but she couldn’t snap because she needed to blend in, not only for herself now but also for Lane.

So far, it didn’t look like watching over Lane at school would be much of a problem. Not only were they in the same class, but their names were adjacent alphabetically, so they were sitting next to each other. On top of _that_, the classroom had pair desks, which meant that she and Lane would be as close as physically possible for most of the school day. The only real problem so far was that Lane had the ASL class in the morning...

There was a loud creak. Everyone turned to see the door to the classroom swing open, revealing Lane’s small figure in the frame.

“Hi,” Mrs. Parsnip signed at Lane. “It’s nice to see you. You can sit next to Lucy Ann.” She pointed at Lucy Ann rather than spelling out her name or using a sign.

Lane waved at Mrs. Parsnip, and stepped into the room, followed by a tall man wearing tiny spectacles. Lane sat down next to Lucy Ann, and the man walked to the front of the class to stand beside Mrs. Parsnip.

“Class, this is Mr. Avenel,” Mrs. Parsnip announced, and the man started signing as she spoke. “He’s going to be helping us out this year by repeating what I say in sign language. Say hi!”

A chorus of “hi” echoed through the room, and Lucy Ann rolled her eyes. Mrs. Parsnip smiled, and went back to her lesson.

“Here’s another one! Can anyone tell me what two plus two is?”

Several kids raised their hands, squealing excitedly in the hopes of being called on. Mrs. Parsnip put on a show of thinking over who to call on, which was probably supposed to be fun for the kids but it made Lucy Ann feel like time was slowing down.

She glanced at Lane, who gave her a little wave. It was good to see her again -- she was a little more nervous about being separated from her than she would ever admit to Alcor. But Lane seemed fine, and everything was okay, except for the fact that she was _so goddamn bored_.

“Maria, how about you?”

The girl to the right of Lucy Ann grinned, opened her mouth, and then faltered. “Um… uh… it’s… oh I know this…”

“_FOUR!_” Lucy Ann screamed internally, “_IT’S FOUR! THIS IS THE EASIEST ONE IN THE BOOK AND WE DID IT YESTERDAY!_”

“It’s um… three!”

Lucy Ann’s head hit the desk. “_I’m going to burn the school to the ground_,” she thought. She wondered how long she could just lie on her desk before Mrs. Parsnip noticed and told her to pay attention. Not long enough, she was sure.

She felt Lane’s hand slide into hers, and an odd sense of relief trickled into her mind. Surprised, Lucy Ann picked up her head and glanced at her again, and got the same blank-faced wave as before. She returned it after a moment, and turned back to the teacher.

For whatever reason, the rest of the lesson didn’t seem so bad.

* * *

Lucy Ann took a bite of her sandwich, and gagged on the -- yuck, what was that, tuna? She let it fall out of her mouth onto a napkin. Alcor promised her a lunch that she could eat, and this definitely wasn’t it, which meant...

Shit. She waved frantically at Lane before she could bite into the other sandwich. “I have your lunch!”

Lane blinked and put the sandwich down. Lucy Ann peeked under the top slice of bread and... yep. Lane would not have enjoyed eating that. She handed Lane her lunch and started eating her own.

Lunch was a much needed break from the tedium of the classroom. It was still pretty boring, but at least she didn’t have to pay attention to anything at lunch. She and Lane were sitting at a table by themselves, which was unsurprisingly the quietest table in the yard. The other students were busy arguing and laughing with food in their mouths, and when they finished their lunches, they got right up and ran around the playground. Meanwhile, when Lane and Lucy Ann finished their lunches, Lane just held Lucy Ann’s hand again and the two continued to sit at their table without speaking.

Lane seemed content to just stare ahead into the distance, so Lucy Ann rested her head on the table and zoned out. There was a lot to think about, but she’d already been thinking about it all morning, and all of last night. What did she usually do to entertain herself when she hid out at a school like this? If only she had someone to talk to...

Lane's grip on her hand tightened.

"You're not human, are you?"

Lucy Ann looked up. There were two boys standing by the table. The first was about Lucy Ann's height, thin with very short dirty-blond hair, and was wearing something between a scowl and a smirk. The other was a bit stockier in a way that was strange to see on someone so young, had shoulder-length brown hair, and looked more bemused than anything else.

She frowned. "What?"

The blond boy -- the speaker from before -- grumbled. "You're not human. You're a preter."

Well. Getting her cover blown on day two of elementary school was a bit earlier than she expected. But this was a kid. Maybe she could still salvage this. So she put on a sickly-sweet voice and fluttered her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, that's not going to work. I can tell you're not human. What are you?"

Lucy Ann faked a cough. "I don't know. I'm pretty human. That's what my parents say, anyway."

She felt a squeeze on her hand again, and turned to Lane, who had a slightly pained look on her face. She used her free hand to sign "Are you okay?"

Lane cringed, but then nodded. "Who is that?"

“I don’t know. I’ll tell him to leave.”

Lane shook her head. “I think we can trust him.”

“What? Why?” Lucy Ann said aloud, confusion written all over her face. She spun around and was met again with the boy’s unblinking stare. There was something off about it, now that she thought about it -- something she occasionally saw in that dork Alcor: age, where it surely didn’t belong, behind the eyes of a child.

Maybe her cover wasn’t blown after all.

“Alright, Einstein,” she responded, shifting back into her regular voice. “You got me. I’m a vampire. What do you want?”

The brown-haired boy boggled. “Wow, really?” He elbowed his friend. “You’re really good at this.”

“Yeah, I know.” The blond one grimaced, not taking his eyes off Lucy Ann. “What’s your name?”

Lucy Ann frowned. “Doesn’t matter. You can call me Lucy Ann, though. What about you?”

The blond kid coughed, his expression broken for the first time since he’d started talking to her. “It’s, uh…” He scratched his head, and Lucy Ann raised an eyebrow. “Derek. It’s Derek.”

The brown-haired boy raised his hand. “I’m Andy.”

“Great,” Lucy Ann said, a hint of annoyance in her tone. “Oh, and this is Lane.”

She quickly relayed their names to Lane in ASL, and Lane waved at them. Derek flinched.

“What is she doing here?” he stammered.

Lucy Ann stared at him. “What are you talking about? She’s a first grader, just like me and you.”

“N-no,” he replied, looking surprisingly ill-at-ease. “She’s got a, well, uh…” He trailed off, and then went back to scowling. “Nevermind. It’s nothing.”

She raised an eyebrow. Andy shrugged, mouthing something that looked like “you’ll get used to it.” Next to her, Lane still looked pained but was otherwise blank.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lucy Ann signed at her. “Do you want to leave?”

Lane shook her head. “Tell you later.”

“Hey!” Derek waved his hand in Lucy Ann’s peripheral vision. “What are you doing?”

Lucy Ann fixed him with the most condescending glare she could muster. “Lane can’t hear you -- she’s deaf, so I’m telling her in sign language how much of a loser you are.”

He grumbled, and Andy smirked. “He’s not a loser, he just acts like one sometimes.” This just made Derek grumble even louder.

Lucy Ann rubbed her forehead. “Cool. Great. Now that we all know each other, what do you want?”

Derek slapped his palms onto the table and leaned forward in what was obviously an attempt at intimidation. “Tell me what you’re doing here.”

Lucy Ann, meanwhile, had to stop herself from giggling. “Whoops, looks like I have to tell you the whole story now! Guess what: I’m not actually six, I’m old and I’m pretending to be a kid because there are some meaaaan people out there who don’t like preters. Isn’t that sad?”

“You don’t need to talk down to me!”

Lucy Ann smirked. “Why not? You’re just a little kid.”

Derek looked mad enough that steam could have been coming out of his ears. “No, I’m-”

Andy put his hand on Derek’s shoulder, making the other boy flinch. “Hey, uh, someone’s gonna overhear us if you keep screaming like that. This isn’t really the kind of conversation we want people to overhear.”

“Fine.” Derek took a comically deep breath, and then exhaled. “The point is, we’re not really first graders either. Well, I am. He’s not.”

Lucy Ann boggled. “Are you kidding? Is the whole school made up of preters pretending to be children?”

Andy chuckled -- a gruff, deep sound that definitely didn’t belong in a first grader’s mouth. “I think it’s just the three of us. And, uh. Her, I guess,” he added, pointing to Lane. “Is she…?”

“No, she’s human. Nothing weird about her at _all_.” Except that she’s the reincarnation of an extremely powerful demon’s twin sister.

Derek looked ready to cut in and yell at her, but he stopped himself, instead crossing his arms. Andy, for his part, just looked confused again. Lucy Ann stared at the two of them, so out of place against the backdrop of first graders running around the playground, throwing mud at each other and screaming about boo-boo’s. First Alcor, then Lane, now these two?

Hiding from the government was going to be a lot more interesting than planned.

She took a deep breath, and turned to Derek. "So. What's your deal, then?"

His face twitched, and he responded in a sickly-sweet voice. "What do you mean?"

Lucy Ann rolled her eyes. "Okay then. What about you?" She nodded in Andy's direction.

He stepped past Derek and took a seat next to Lucy Ann. “I’m old too. I’m 28.”

“That’s not old. That’s not even old for a human.”

“It’s old for a first grader. And I’m not human. Well, I’m not completely human. I’m half gnome.”

“Oh.” There was an awkward pause. “I didn’t know that was possible.”

“Thanks, neither did anyone else.”

Lucy Ann coughed. “Sorry, that was rude.”

Andy waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, I’m used to it.” Lucy Ann frowned, but let him keep going. “Anyway, I’ve been physically growing up like a human, just at a much slower rate. If I’m lucky, I’ll look like a teenager by the time I’m 60.”

Lucy Ann patted his back. “At least you get to grow up eventually. I’m a lot older than 28 and I still look like this.”

Andy shrugged. There was a squeak, and Lucy Ann looked up to see Derek with tears in his eyes.

“That’s so sad!” he said, voice _and_ body trembling. “You don’t get to grow up? I want to grow up so badly!”

Lucy Ann’s jaw dropped at the jarring change in his behavior. Maybe this kid really was a six year old after all. She beckoned for him to sit with them, and he obliged, resting his head on the table and flopping his arms around erratically.

“Hey, Derek, it’s alright,” she said slowly. “I’m fine. Andy’s fine too, right?” Andy nodded. “Lane is, well…”

She glanced at Lane, who was staring very intently at Derek. She seemed to notice Lucy Ann looking at her, as she absent-mindedly signed “I’m still okay” at her.

“Yeah, Lane’s good too. Everyone’s having a good time.”

“Yeah, I know,” Derek replied, sounding annoyed. He scowled and sat up straight, any trace of having been upset completely gone.

Lucy Ann did a double take. “Was that a joke? Were you joking just now? I need to know. What?”

“If we’re all done with feeling time over here,” he continued, as if she hadn’t said anything, “let’s real talk. The three-” (he nodded at Lane and shuddered slightly) “the _four_ of us aren’t supposed to be here. We need to stick together. And you can’t tell _anyone_ else about us. We might be safe for now in this middle-of-nowhere town but that could change at any time. You understand?”

“Hey, who’s talking down to who now?” she retorted. The corners of his mouth started to curl up into a smile. “I promise I won’t tell anyone. I’m literally a thousand times as old as you, I _know_ how to keep a secret.”

Andy blanched. “Y-you’re HOW old?”

Derek ignored him, and stared into Lucy Ann’s eyes. There it was again -- that aged look that made her question how accurate her previous statement was. “Good.”

There was the sound of a bell ringing, and Mrs. Parsnip called out “Alright, kids! Recess is over, it’s time for class!”

Derek stood up, keeping eye contact with Lucy Ann. “We’ll see you tomorrow at lunch. Let’s go, Andy.” He turned away and started marching off.

Andy, still looking a little rattled, waved at her as he got up. “It was nice meeting you. I don’t know sign language, but tell Lane it was nice meeting her too, okay?”

Lucy Ann nodded, and she gave him a little wave back.

“Come _on_, Andy!” Derek’s voice came from the side of the building. Andy smiled and walked off after him.

“What just happened?” Lucy Ann signed at Lane.

“New friends,” Lane replied. Lucy Ann felt something flutter inside of her.

Friends, huh?

Maybe first grade wasn’t so boring after all.

* * *

The bus dropped them off at Alcor’s house. Lucy Ann could see him at the door, pressing his hands and face into the screen in anticipation of their return. She really hoped he hadn’t been standing there all day.

“Hi Lucy Ann,” he said when they got to the door.

Lucy Ann raised an eyebrow. “Hi Alcor.”

There was a long pause.

“Were you thinking of letting us in anytime soon?”

“Oh, of course, yeah!” He disentangled himself from the screen door (were those claw marks she could see left in the mesh?) and backed up a few steps. Lucy Ann and Lane went through the door, and Alcor immediately scooped the latter up into his arms.

“Lane!” he cried gleefully. “How was your day, sweetheart?”

Lucy Ann pretended to gag, but Alcor ignored her.

“That’s great! I’m so glad you’re okay -- not that I had any doubt about it!” he added, grinning at Lucy Ann. He put Lane down and headed into the kitchen. “I’ll get you two some snacks!”

“I can get my own snack,” Lucy Ann grumbled light-heartedly. She and Lane followed him into the next room and sat next to each other at the table.

Alcor paused, and threw Lucy Ann an embarrassed look. “Oh, wait, no, not because you look like a kid or anything! Sorry, I’m still kind of in ‘work mode’. No offense.” He started rifling through the cabinets.

“Does that mean you actually did it? You got a job?”

“Of course I did! Did you really think _I’d_ have a problem playing human?” He turned around, mock betrayal on his face and a bowl of red liquorice in his hands. “I got a job as a waiter at the diner on Centre Avenue. They were short staffed and _desperate_ for some additional hands.” He punctuated this with a cackle, and set the bowl on the table.

“Alright, I’ll just pretend that wasn’t ominous. At least you’ve got something to do during the day, now.”

His expression immediately fell, and he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “Well, uh… I said I got a job. I didn’t say I kept it.” Lucy Ann just stared at him, and he seemed to get even more fidget-y. “Turns out they didn’t like it that I wanted to shake hands with everyone who ordered food, or that I’d threaten people who left bad tips with nightmares. Yeah, I got fired before noon.”

Lucy Ann burst out laughing. “Wow, seriously? You’re worse at people-ing than I remembered! Looks like old habits die hard!”

Out of nowhere, a thought struck her like a slap to the face, reminding her that Lane was still in the room and had no idea what the two of them were talking about. She turned around and saw Lane just staring at the bowl of candy Alcor had set on the table. Lucy Ann gave her a little wave, and she looked up, expressionless but clearly bored.

“Do you want that candy?” Lucy Ann signed.

“No, I want carrots,” Lane replied.

Alcor, as usual, did not seem to notice any of this. “Yeah, yeah, get it all out of your system now. I’ll get another job tomorrow, which I’ll definitely be awesome at, and then who’ll be laughing?”

“Still me,” Lucy Ann replied. “Hey, why do you keep giving Lane candy? She clearly doesn’t want it. She says she’d rather have carrots.”

Alcor stuck his tongue out, and swiped the candy off the table. “Alright, fine, Miss. Parent-of-the-Year.” He rifled around in the fridge and pulled out a bowl of carrots. “Speaking of which, it’s your turn to tell me about your day. How was school? Was there any trouble? Do I need to go down there and **take care** of anyone?”

“No, you paranoid dork, everything was fine! It was just school, don’t you remember what school was like? There was class, and then there was lunch, and then there was class again, and it was all extremely boring, and I was right there with Lane the whole time.” Except for the ASL class.

Alcor put the bowl of carrots in front of Lane, who hugged his arm in response. He smiled fondly at her, and didn’t look up when he responded to Lucy Ann. “That’s it? Nothing interesting happened at all?”

Lucy Ann thought about the two “kids” they’d met that day, and what Derek had said before leaving. Alcor didn’t need to know about them just yet -- they weren’t a danger to Lane and she _had_ promised not to tell anyone about them. “Nope,” she lied, lips pursed. “Not a single thing.”

Alcor looked up from Lane and smiled the same sweet, genuine smile at Lucy Ann. “That’s good. Thanks for keeping her safe.”

Lucy Ann folded her arms behind her head and leaned back in her chair. “Yeah, well, I told you I could handle it,” she gloated, a big confident grin on her face. “First grade is boring.”


End file.
